I’ve been slacking a bit here at Soliloquy this week. Can’t believe it’s been over a week since my last post!

I will be honest, I’ve been having a terrible fight with Vulnerability.

She’s been popping up saying “Write about this!” and I’m all like, “No!! That’s too personal! What if so and so sees it! What will he/she think?” Then she says things like “Teach people this!” and I’m all like, “What??! What authority do I have to say those things?? Spirit, you must be CRAZY.”

These fights normally end with me just staring at the computer screen and that little curser that just keeps blinking, waiting for the words to start flowing. Except they don’t.

I first realized (i.e. admitted) the issue I have with vulnerability when I watched Brené Brown’s TED video. Brené is a researcher/storyteller. She researches all those comfortable, happy subjects like shame, guilt, fear, and vulnerability. Her main quest is to find out what it takes to live Wholeheartedly. And what she found is that vulnerability is necessary for wholehearted living. Not a benefit. Not an option. It’s a requirement. As you’ll learn in the video, this realization led to Brené’s breakdown spiritual awakening.

Find twenty minutes to spare and sit down and watch this video. For reals. She’ll change your life.  And make you laugh a lot.

After watching this one and being blown away realizing that I am exactly like her (control, predict, control, predict), I started learning more about her research on vulnerability and shame. She has another TED talk she gave a year or so after the vulnerability one where she talks about shame. It is equally life-changing.

I’m currently reading her most recent book Daring Greatly. Though only a few chapters in, I can tell that this is one of those books where I’m going to hear a lot of things I’d rather not hear, and probably cry a lot. She leaves no stone unturned and she packs a punch loaded with vulnerability.

So why is being vulnerable so hard? Why do we carry so much shame with us? What has happened to the human psyche that we feel the need to hide our true selves from others?

Because we live in a culture that forces the “I’m not ________ enough” mindset down our throats.

I’m not smart enough.
I’m not thin enough.
I’m not pretty enough.
I’m not enlightened enough.
I’m not motivated enough.
I’m not worth enough.

There’s this mindset in our society that it’s the mainstream’s way or the highway. Mindlessly go through the motions. Just follow the pattern that’s been set before you. Go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed. Go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed.

Don’t reveal who you really are. Don’t take risks. Don’t search for something more. And don’t ever, EVER make yourself vulnerable because vulnerability = weakness.

I think hating vulnerability boils down to fear. Fear of showing who you truly are. Fear of what others might think. Fear of the truth.

Vulnerability is why I hate confrontations. I’d rather put on the happy face and pretend pain don’t exist than make myself vulnerable by telling someone how I really feel.

Vulnerability is why I won’t sing my heart out. Even though I love it and I know it is one of my Divine gifts, the fear of what others will think and making myself exposed like that keeps me from stepping foot on the stage.

Vulnerability is why I’m so fearful about my future as a writer. If I really want to do this, I have to be vulnerable. A lot. And I don’t like that.

Brené defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure”. Hence why we don’t like it very much. But as she states in her book, vulnerability is necessary for Wholehearted living. We have to put ourselves out there and take these chances if we want to live a fulfilled life.

So let’s kick vulnerability’s ass together! As I make myself more vulnerable here on the blog and in my writing by really putting my heart out there and not holding back, I encourage you to do the same. Figure out what it is that’s keeping you back from fulfilling your soul’s destiny.

What makes you feel vulnerable? Do you normally view vulnerability as weakness? Release that incorrect thought and open yourself up to the possibility that making yourself vulnerable may be the key that unlocks a life’s worth of possibilities and fulfillment for you.

I’d love to open up a discussion on this topic, so post your thoughts and answers to the questions above in the comments below. Being vulnerable can be scary, but when you have a good support system to encourage you and lift you up, it’s much less scary. So let’s all support each other!

Love and Blessings!
Kim