I’m sure most of you are aware of the Steubenville rape case.  If you’ve watched TV or been on the internet at all in the past week, surely you’ve seen it.  I first heard about it when my friend Carley posted an article about CNN’s coverage of the case and how they seemed to be sympathizing with the rapists and the effects that this incident will have on their lives.

This story brought up lots of emotions for me.  On May 22, 2006 (five days before my wedding to my first husband, Cory), I was attacked outside of my apartment in Bloomington, Indiana.  It was a Monday morning, a little before 10.  I was running some stuff to my car and taking out the trash, getting ready for my move out inspection.  (I was moving into my fiancé’s apartment, and our wedding was only 5 days away.)  As I stepped out the door to the back parking lot of my apartment complex, I noticed a boy (a black boy, how sadly stereotypical) lingering around the dumpster.  I figured he was just a local dumpster-diver or something.  I turned to put some cleaning supplies in my car.

As closed the door and turned to take the trash to the dumpster, I noticed that the boy was walking my way.  Thinking it a bit odd, but not wanting to be rude, I continued toward him with the bag of trash in my hand.  As we got closer, I looked up, made eye contact, and smiled at him, just like I would when passing someone on the street.

As I looked away, I heard him yell, “Stop” Don’t move!”  I turned toward him and saw the gun pointed toward my head.  The bag of trash fell from my hands.

Stunned, I looked him in the eye again, and he said, “Don’t scream, or I will shoot you.”  He forced me back into my apartment, hoping to rob me.  When he found that my apartment was indeed empty since I was moving out, I think he panicked.  So he locked me in a bedroom and tried to rape me.

I won’t go into the gruesome details because, really, what’s the point?  All you need to know is that I’m a fighter and I fucking kick ass.  Every muscle in my body was sore the next day because of how hard I fought, and I had bruises all over my neck from where he tried strangling me, multiple times.  But no busted lips, no blood, no broken bones.

The kid was only 16, with a baby and a rap sheet a mile long.  After the debacle that was this “attempted rape”, he finally left, taking my cell phone and the $5 in cash I had.  I ran to my apartment office and called the police.  They found him about a half hour later.  At work at Burger King down the road.  They called my cell phone and it rang in his pocket…not the brightest kid, obviously.

He spent about a year and a half in county jail, waiting to be sentenced.  After countless hearings and testimonies, he was finally given two 30-year sentences (to be served concurrently), one for burglary resulting in bodily harm and one for deviant sexual misconduct.  He went to a state prison in November of 2007 and will remain there until May of 2021.  (In Indiana, they have a “serve one, get one” policy, so the two 30-year sentences end up being only 15 years served.)

I was actually sad for this boy, despite what he did to me.  I was sad that he made one stupid decision and now he’s spending the next 15 years of his life in prison, completely missing out on his youth and the important years in his life.  I’m sad for his little baby girl who will probably never have a relationship with him.  Despite my pain and anger towards this boy, I still have compassion and sympathy for him.  I think of him often, how his life is forever ruined because of one poor choice he made.

But I have absolutely NO guilt for the time he is serving.  It was my testimony that made the judge double his sentence, I don’t feel a damn bit bad about that.  He did a terrible, horrible thing, and I believe it is just for him to pay the consequences, just like these boys from Steubenville.

The first thing I said to my parents when they got to the hospital after my attack was: “What has happened to this 16 year old boy throughout his life that made him think it was ok for him to do what he did to me?  What pain has he endured that made him think raping a girl was his best option for the day?”

Henry Rollins echoed my thoughts when he recently wrote about the Steubenville case:

“What made these young people think that that what they did was ok? What was in their upbringing, the information and morals instilled in them that allowed them to do what they did?”

What’s going on in our society that is causing 16-year-old kids to hurt people the way Raheem McMillan hurt me and the way Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond hurt and humiliated that poor girl??  What is wrong with our educational system and societal structure that makes these kids do these horrific acts, thinking it’s all just a joke?  I think this is a definite sign of just how much our society has regressed over the past several decades and how badly we need change in our country.

That change starts with compassion.  If these boys had learned compassion, they never would have been able to do what they did to me and that girl.  If they learned how to love and care about others, then it would have been impossible for them to carry out these violent acts.

Compassion is a natural and pure human emotion.  It feeds connection and enables us to love on a deeper level.  It’s normal for me to have compassion toward the boy who attacked me, and the same goes for these two football players from Steubenville.  It indeed is sad that they made one mistake that will now haunt them the rest of their lives.

However, making them out to be the victims in this case is just completely ridiculous.  Yeah, their lives are never going to be the same, but neither is the girl’s who they assaulted.  (And believe me, being a victim of a violent sexual assault isn’t something you just “get over”.  It stays with you and pops up at the most unexpected times, bringing you to your knees in pain and sadness.)

I have compassion toward Raheem for the dire consequences he has to face for his actions.  And I have the same compassion toward the two boys from Steubenville.  It’s unfortunate that they have to go through this, but they brought it upon themselves by the poor choices they’ve made.  I just pray that they are able to learn their lessons through all of this and come out of it better people instead of worse.

There’s more I’d like to write about this, but that’s all my heart can handle for today.  Thanks for listening to my soul. <3