I’ve been pondering a lot lately the idea of when to shut up versus when to speak your truth. There is a time and place for everything, and it’s a common idea to “pick your battles” so to speak.

I struggle with this a lot in my writing.

I feel that I am meant to write, CREATED to write and share my thoughts. That’s why I’ve always been a vocal person. I’ve kept a journal since elementary school and a blog since freshman year of college. That’s why I sang so much growing up. And, I believe that’s what made me such an active and vocal Christian growing up. I LOVED my church, and I LOVED Jesus.  (And still do to both!!) I wanted everyone to know it. It was also the only thing I’d ever known while growing up in a small town and having always gone to church. It’s only natural for someone like me (a Leo, a strong woman, an Ace of Diamonds for those of you who follow the cards, a light-bringer, etc.) to pursue my passions with full force.

If I weren’t meant to do this, I wouldn’t desire it. That passion and drive wouldn’t be there. I’d be doing something athletic or playing an instrument or working with my hands or whatever it is that I wanted to do.

But I’m not doing those things. I don’t want to do those things. I want to write and connect with people, hear their stories and share mine. I want to create change. I want to spread light and love. I want to inspire people, encourage them to better their lives, to embrace the powerful, beautiful beings they are, to release themselves from the oppression of society and free themselves from the chains of the system.

When we get passionate, we can also get egotistical. Don’t get me wrong, a little ego is good for you, necessary in fact. It’s our ego that gives us the courage to step out onto that stage or hit the publish button. It’s our ego that tells us our worth and when we need to stand our ground. But it’s also our ego that makes us feel we have something to prove. Our ego is what drives the “I’m right – you’re wrong” attitude and makes us feel better than others. A lot (if not all) of our fear comes from our ego – fear of what others may think of us, fear of failure, fear of disappointment, etc.

So there’s a delicate balance that must be achieved. A balance of ego and love. The love overcomes the fear that comes from the ego, and the love helps us keep our ego in check. When you feel that fire of passion burning in your core, that’s your ego and Spirit telling you something. It’s telling you that whatever it is you’re thinking about or doing matters to you. Then, this is where the idea of free will comes into play.  How you respond and express that passion is something you have to think about ahead of time and make sure is done in love.

I bring all of this up because sometimes the things I want to talk about are somewhat…controversial. They go against the norm, at least the norm in which I was raised. They challenge belief systems and paradigms. They sometimes are uncomfortable. Some people could even call them heresy. But still, I talk about them. Because they matter to me. Because the Spirit inside of me is yearning to talk about them, to share my thoughts, to process this shift that’s occurring.

This gets personally difficult for me because, as many of you know, some of the things I may be challenging or questioning are beliefs that those close to me hold very dearly. My parents have their own ministry and all of my siblings (well, most) are practicing Christians. I have to be careful how I phrase things and what I discuss. I don’t ever want to come across as attacking a belief system. I also don’t want to disrespect anyone by my thoughts and ideas.

Still, I feel it’s my job to talk about these things – specifically, about my Christian upbringing and how my views have changed over the years. I don’t want to attack Christianity, but I do want to somewhat challenge it and show a different side to it. That’s the whole point of all of this (this blog, my writings, etc.) – to get people talking and thinking and questioning, in attempt to document and explain my own transition and new set of beliefs versus what is considered the traditional set of Christian beliefs.

So like I said – a delicate balance.

So where do I draw the line? When do I see that ridiculous meme or article on Facebook and let it go, and when do I lay down some truth bombs and challenge it?

I think it’s all about intention. What is my intention by saying what I want to say? Do I have an “I’ll show you” attitude where I feel I have something to prove? Is my intention to prove someone wrong or give him or her a rhetorical slap in the face? Or is my intention to spread love and light? To be informative and bring about awareness to an issue? Again – a delicate, delicate balance.

That balance is achieved when you are able speak your truth and do so in love. If you don’t, shit explodes. You blow up in front of those around you. You get neck and throat problems. During my first marriage and even up to when Dustin and I started dating, I’d always get these terrible throat ulcers. Just a big, nasty, cold-sore type thing on the back of my throat. Literally, an ulcer. The most excruciating pain I’ve experienced, including labor and contractions. But now it’s been at least five years since I’ve had one. It seems once I started to believe in myself a little more and live how I wanted, the ulcers went away. Not speaking your truth will make you miserable. And being miserable with attract a lot of shitty things into your life.

So when do you speak up versus when do you shut up? You speak up when it’s your truth that has to be heard. You speak up when you know you can address the situation out of love, without letting your ego negatively take hold. You speak up when you know that if you don’t, you’ll feel miserable. Because you don’t want to feel miserable. We are meant to feel good. What we feel attracts what we experience; you reap what you sow.

We were created to live here and feel good. Why do you think God created the Garden of Eden for Adam and Eve? The only thing He told them was not to let fear take hold. And what did they do? They “sinned” and became fearful. Their ego was being negatively expressed. It’s time for us to get back to what God originally intended – a creature put here to express love and enjoy this earthy realm.

So speak up when you need to.  Check your ego and make sure your motive is love.  But please, speak your truth. Fight for what you want to fight for. Be the change you wish to see.  But do it in love.  When everyone is able to fully express love, that’s when we’ll see real change in the world.

In Love, Light, and Truth-Speaking,

~Kim