I’ve been thinking about true inner peace and carefree-ness a lot lately. I follow Danielle LaPorte’s “The Desire Map” model, so I’m constantly self-assessing and asking myself: “How do I want to feel?”

Lately, things like “peaceful” and “carefree” are the answers to that question. Living in Asheville has been a magical experience. But it’s also been a challenging experience. We’ve experienced things we never expected, and it’s pushed us in ways we couldn’t imagine. I spend a lot of time reflecting on the last several years of my life with just a deer-in-the-headlights gaze… Whew. What a ride.

The Joseph Campbell quote comes to mind: “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” I’m learning that you must release your expectations of what you thought life would be to love the life in front of you. I feel like I’ve been fighting things for years. Fighting living here. Fighting worldview shifts. Fighting family conflicts. Fighting finances and job security/satisfaction. I kinda feel like I’ve been on edge for seven years.

However, through all the craziness of life and shifts, I’m remembering that peace is something you create within yourself, not something created by external circumstances or events in life. You create your own peace by focusing your inner thoughts on the truth that you are divinely whole, perfect, and always cared for.

When I was an active Christian, peace came easily for me. I was able to say, “It’s cool – Jesus’s got this” and trust that all will be well because my God will always take care of me. Then, things shifted. I let go of a more naive and simplistic view of the world to see the world how it really is. To see (and experience) the evil and most low-vibrational. To see the corruption. To see the expansion and vastness of cultures and areas around the world. To learn the truth of certain things those in power and the media don’t want us to pay attention to. … All of that did away with the naive, simplistic, always-sunny view I had on life up until then. I spent several years in anguish as I made the shift of releasing old belief systems and what that meant for me and my family. I had panic attacks upon the realization of certain things about how our world works and the truths of the systems in place that are designed to work against us. I empathized with humans in other areas of the world, living completely different lives than I could ever imagine, and realizing – they are just as divine as I. Jesus or no Jesus.

These shifts and realizations turned my peace into panic. Not only was my view of the world changing, but I was also dealing with what that meant for some of my close personal relationships. Throw all of that on top of living in an expensive city away from family and having a hard time getting settled and stable, and it’s just been a shit show of anxiety, fear, and depression. There goes that unshakable peace I’d always had growing up. That unwavering faith that all was well and I was safe and cared for and on the right path and everyone loved me and everything was perfect. A big dose of reality and life burst that bubble pretty quickly.

But perhaps it was a bubble that was meant to burst. I try to focus on the growth that bursting has caused. Immense, life-expanding, breathtakingly-beautiful, no-turning-back kinda growth. And I suppose that’s the whole reason for it.

So back to my Peace. (And yeah, with a capital P.) I used to get my Peace from knowing that Jesus loved me and that as long as I loved him and did good things and fessed up when I didn’t, all would be well. God would take care of me, so I had nothing to fear. Peace was inevitable.

I can still find that Peace using the same energy and intent as before, but now it’s just shifted to a more broad idea of being divinely created, cared for, and protected. I seek my peace now through the realization that I have all the power to do whatever I want in life. That I can create magic and manifest miracles through trust and faith that Spirit will always care for me. I’ve studied and understand the laws of the Universe and the power we have to create our own realities. It’s foundationally the same teachings I was raised under.

Ask and it will be given.

Seek and ye shall find.

Ask and the door will be opened.

The kingdom of God is among you.

The Christ Spirit lives within you.

These foundational truths feel as real to me now as they ever have. It feels the same – like the connection to God I felt growing up. The feeling is the same. The definition of it is just a little different. But it’s the same Peace. And that’s what I need to remind myself of. Release the worry that I’ve got it all wrong, the shame I have for letting people down, and the guilt I feel for the pain I’ve caused people in the past. Once those are gone, it’s the same Peace. I need to remember it’s there and focus on it more. I still have access to it. I’ve never lost it. It’s just been clouded and buried for a while. It’s time to bring it back to the surface.

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27