So… that didn’t quite go as planned. hahahaha

Oooooohhhhh life.

It wasn’t all bad. But dang. That was not what we intended. They spun it a lot differently than what we expected, and our story wasn’t portrayed the most accurately. (For example, we are a polyamorous couple, not a polyandrous couple – there’s a big difference.) I kinda wonder why the storyteller that I am trusted someone other than myself to tell my story and assumed they’d tell it the same way I would. Sooooo much I would have done differently.

Still, I have no regrets. The good outweighs the bad, and I continue to have people reach out daily saying how our story inspired them, thanking us for our courage and for the glimpse into our lives and how we do things. I’ve had people I grew up with from my small town in Indiana even reach out, people who are also exploring polyamory, people who also deal with issues with their parents and emotional damage from the church. I am not alone. They are not alone.

Many have thanked us for having the guts to show up and share our stories despite how many will react. Others have said they appreciated being able to see an authentic representation of what openness in a relationship can look like. So it was still worth it.

But I beg of you – if you watch it, feel free to reach out if you want to debrief together after. Like I’ve been saying for years, you can’t believe everything you see on a screen. 😉

It’s very frustrating how some of my story was portrayed. And all the amazing stuff we said that was left out. I didn’t have any control over how they edited the footage, and I got a quick lesson in the “reality” of reality TV. I’ll just leave it at that.

So yeah – that’s done and over with. What an epic fail, lol. I’m glad I have pretty high self-esteem… I can see how these things can literally drive people insane.

Despite how it all turned out, I still can’t believe I manifested being on a TV show. I’ve wanted to be on a reality show since the early days of The Real World and Road Rules. So regardless of how it turned out, I still need to realize that my magic is powerful. I literally manifested one of my biggest dreams and had it simply fall into my lap. Like with many magical manifestations, though, getting that dream often comes with a lot more than you bargained for. So I’ll be a little more clear on future manifestations, lol.

But still – I was on TV! We captured some really sweet scenes of me and my big brother and me and my bu. Those moments are worth it. I’m so grateful for this opportunity, and I trust that it has a bigger purpose than any of us can know right now. What was I supposed to do – not go on TV? I embrace every adventure life throws my way, and I am not one to back down from once in a lifetime opportunities. I don’t know why it ended up like it did or why it had to happen like that. I grieve what it could have been a lot. But I have to trust. Just like with other things I’ve had to grieve over the past few years – I have to trust that there’s a reason for it all.

All the trials, all the pain, all the things we have endured over the past decade – were they all for this? All to prepare us for such disappointment, pain, and betrayal? (So many stories of betrayal… why?) Is that why I’m not institutionalized somewhere? Lol. Is that why we haven’t completely lost it yet? Is that how we’re able to handle all the pain and craziness lately – because of what we’ve been through before?

My life continues to become something that’s nothing like I ever thought it would be.

But it’s still pretty great.

I’m starting to see more clearly the things I’ve been grieving the past couple years – why their absence is necessary, why it’s all happening as it should. It’s starting to make sense.

So I trust that the grief about this show will make sense someday, too.

For now, just know, that I have and will likely always have one and only one husband. There was a time when I loved two men at once, and it took me by surprise to realize that my heart was capable of holding so much love. But it did. And it was beautiful. And I’m so grateful for the journey.

That’s why I wanted to share my story. To show that you can be capable of more love than you realize. To remind you that you don’t have to follow the rules set by anyone before you. To empower you to follow your heart and to live your life the way you want to.

No one knows what is best for you other than you. There is no “one size fits all” to life. You create your life. You are in charge. You are literally a magician, and your words and actions are spells and rituals that influence your reality. Start living as such.

I believe the whole point of existence is to love – from loving the fresh air and sunshine, to your dog, to a flower and the grass, to your favorite food, to your lover. Love is what drives our souls to experience life here. So this was my story of the expansive love that I experienced by creating a safe space within my long-term, committed relationship to explore loving whomever I wanted to love.

There’s also a whole post about sacred sexuality that is brewing… Sex isn’t the whole reason for pursuing polyamory, but of course it is a factor, as it is with all romantic, intimate relationships, especially when considering the spiritual power our sensuality holds. When harnessed and used intentionally, it can affect your life in profound ways. More to come on this… <3

Thank you to everyone who has been following along and reaching out – I really don’t think you have any idea just how much it means to us. We are proud and happy yet also humiliated and disappointed. (Oh the dichotomies of life, lol.) So bear with us as we continue to flow and process and release all that we can no longer carry. Thanks for joining us for the journey.

Here’s a pic from the last episode. The “or anyone for that matter” makes me giggle. Some fans on reddit were very upset to hear that I “broke Vinson’s heart” and never dated again. Reminds me of getting shamed by my youth group after I broke up with my 10th grade boyfriend who then went into a huge depression. “Man, Kim, you really broke his heart – why’d you have to go and do that?” Ummmm…because I am here to please myself and not others. And I will continue to follow my heart and do what is right for my soul regardless of what others think about it.