Find me here
Speak to me
I want to feel You
I need to hear You
You are the light
That is leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You are everything
And how can I
Stand here with You
And not be moved by You?
Would You tell me
How could it be
Any better than this?
You calm the storms
You give me rest
You hold me in Your hands
You won’t let me fall
You still my heart
And You take my breath away
Would you take me in?
Would you take me deeper now?
‘Cause You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything
Everything
You’re all want
You’re all I need
You’re everything
Everything
~”Everything” by Lifehouse
I’ve been in a really weird mood tonight and I’m not quite sure why. It may be the schoolwork getting to me. It may be me thinking about different problems that my friends or family have. I’m not really sure. I’ve just been in kind of a blah mood tonight. I was getting ready to go to bed and I started to randomly look at blogs, something I do quite often when I should be doing something else like going to bed or doing homework. I got on D’s site and then clicked on BarbaraT’s site just because I felt like being random and looking at one of D’s random Xanga friends’ sites. As the site loaded, so did a song. An amazing song. We sang this song last week at Encounter and I had forgotten how amazing it was. When I heard it, it just really got me thinking.
Is God really all I need?
If God is really all I need, then why don’t I read and study His Word more? If God is really all I need, then why don’t I work at everything as if I were working for the Lord? If God is really all I need, then why do I fall asleep praying?
If God were to take away everything good in my life, would I still be satisfied? If I lost all my friends, if I lost my family, if I lost this amazing house I live in and all my belongings, if I lost my amazing boyfriend, would I still bless the Lord? Is it these people/things that define who I am? Do I need these people/things in order to live? Can I survive with just me and God? I remeber a lesson that Rebecca Kershner gave last year. She talked about being complete with just you and God, and how you have to be complete with Him, before you can be complete with anything or anyone else. Can I be complete with only me and God?
Now, I know what the “perfect little Christian girl” answer would be to these questions, but guess what? I’m not the “perfect little Christian girl,” despite what some people think. There’s no such thing as a “perfect little Christian” anything because we are all sinners; Jesus is perfect, no one else. Since I am not the “perfect little Christian girl,” I’ll admit that I’m not sure what my answers would be.
I know that God has a plan. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I know that God has everything under control and He has my life planned out, and for that, I am thankful. I guess I just wonder if I’m following the plans that He wants.
I’m not growing in my faith. I’m not falling, but I’m not growing either. I don’t read my Bible everyday as I should. Sometimes my prayers simply become a usual routine rather than an intimate conversation with the Lord. Now, don’t get me wrong, I totally love God, and I put all of my faith and trust in Him. I just don’t feel as though I am where I need to be. The scary thing is that I’ve become “satisfied” with where I am, even though I know I still need to grow. I was once told a long time ago that you should never be “satisfied” with your faith because there is always room for growing. Then why am I “satisfied”? Why can’t I motivate myself to grow deeper with the Lord? Isn’t that what a “perfect little Christian girl” is supposed to do? Why can’t I take 10 minutes out of my day and read my Bible? Why do I sit and focus on anything and everything but God throughout my day? Why is it that I can sit here at my computer and check my email 10,000 times and check everyone’s blogs, but I “don’t have time” to read my Bible or pray? I don’t understand?? I love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all of my strength, and I want to grow closer to Him, but it seems like I’ll find anything and everything else to occupy my time rather than focus on Him. The sad thing is that I always feel this way. I always say, “Tonight, I’ll read my Bible and write in my prayer journal before I go to bed,” but then I end up staying up on my computer till 1 am and then I decide that it’s too late and that I really just need to get some sleep. “I’ll do it tomorrow,” I say. And the cycle continues…
Is God really all I need?
When it actually comes down to it, yes, I believe He is all I need. The problem is that I don’t live like it. I don’t live like God is all I need. I live like I need all these other things and if there’s time left in my day, then I need God, and then will I focus on God. But not till everything else is done with my day.
This attitude needs to change. And I know it does. The question is, Will I change it? Or will I go to bed tonight and not read my Bible, just like every other night. Will I avoid it as if it were the plague, or will I seize the opportunity that I have to grow in and focus on my Lord. I think it’s time for a change. I think it’s time to get my priorities straight and start focusing on the number one thing in my life…my relationship with my God.
This post was really just a lot of random thoughts that were more for my benefit than yours, but thanks for taking the time to read it. I’m going to head to bed now, but not before I do a little reading…
God Bless
Hang in there Kim! It’s only through adversity that we grow, and the first real step towards growth is having a humble heart that recognizes God is calling you to grow. We’re with you!